What fears have you overcome and how?

One of my biggest fears used to be simply being alone. When I divorced, I was thrust directly into that fear head first. I worked slowly on my self esteem, confidence, and building trust in myself. I could see where deficits in these areas created fear which kept me from truly living my life and continually led to self doubt. The first time I went to a movie theater alone, I cried. I had been many times with other people without issue but attending alone felt overwhelming. The goal was to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone and then to reflect on what I’d accomplished. It was clear after a few years I had healed a lot of the issues that used to plague me. Letting go of everything needing to be a certain way and releasing expectations provided a lot of relief along with accepting my own humanity. Today I am perfectly imperfect and can say that I am much more self reliant. I always had the capacity to care for myself and be alone before, but clearing away all the mental debris was key to uncovering it.

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Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life.

My morning ritual to have a cup of hot earl grey tea brings me so much joy. I can bring my senses in to focus on the color of the mug, the warmth it radiates against my palms. I can smell the citrus kick in the tea and feel it warming me from the inside as I drink. I tap my nails against the porcelain, hearing a slight “tink” with each strike.

Rediscovered

When hearing familiar songs feels

So foreign, how can I run to a cross

I never really believed in?

How can I be sanctified by blood that runs

As mine does now?

The man that was only human cannot

Save another but only point them to

Wisdom, to learning, to growth.

I find those things in my silent mind

As I feel the wind shroud my skin in a

Breeze that brushes coppery, leathered

Leaves aside.

Breathing in, I find my peace as I still

Myself standing in front of my own

Tree-lined cathedral.

The birds, my choir.

The squirrels, my clergy.

The butterflies, my angels.

This spirit I knew first and trusted as

A child I have found again.

I see the salvation it offered never left.

What I Bring

How does a heart heal from

Surviving wound after cut,

Repeatedly,

People only showing up to

Take and not to give?

Why should you, would you

Unwrap the soaked gauze

From the very organ that started

Believing lies it was told

From unhealthy, projecting measures

Others bestowed upon you each day?

Why should you believe that

A person approaches not with the

Intent to press advantage against

Your wounds?

You have no reason to trust.

I can only hope you see in me the

Light that says, “I come to offer

Freedom through love. I show up to add

To your joy.

I present a heart vulnerable

Of my own.

I’ll undress my wounds first,

For you to read, tracing

Each finger over the scars

And

Let my actions speak my truth.

You need not fear the love that

Emerges to exist alongside of yours.”

Residue

The stickiness of ciliated tar

Once wrapt round my mind 

Doesn’t smack of sweetness like

Honey from the comb.

This viscid inkiness has seeped into the

Sulci leaving its trail of neediness

Wherever it has crept.

Each hair-fine tendril has been 

Wrested carefully, cautiously from

Strangled folds revealing truth,

Uncovering authenticity glowing brighter

Than the multitude of stars in the

Night sky.

Yet even that which radiates now

Cannot melt away the residue of what 

Once was there.

The shine can overcome it, but not

Without effort, precisely applied.

Art by whoisjaylamm on DeviantArt

Holes, an uncertainty

Why does my trauma still

Leave me guessing

When hands have been joined

Arms embraced

Sentiments exchanged

And time shared?

Each void left via careless

Hands from the past

I must now tend,

To ensure what I’m

Experiencing is real.

Why are those holes

Carved into our hearts

And leading our perception

Down a path that

We didn’t choose?

Do You Hear That?

Joy of my heart ringing bells I didn’t know existed

Chiming out into the distance despite my blushing

It seems like everyone can see what I’m feeling

Shining dust sparkles in a swirl around me, lifting up to the heavens in a chorus that I have never sung before